My Journey to Self Love- and back again

Sweater and hat // Della Bee  20% off with code: ABBY20

The journey to loving yourself is never really over. It’s a constant course of ups and downs and constant reminders to yourself that YOU ARE ENOUGH. But that’s ok, it’s all part of the process of understanding and grasping self worth, but I can tell you that when you finally do, your life will 100% change for the better.

I believe we all have personal gifts and strengths we were given for this life to share with others. Some have the gift of listening, being a good friend, public speaking, whatever it may be- we all have MANY.

For me, I feel fortunate that one of the gifts I discovered relatively early on was: SELF WORTH.  It's somehow hard to even write that down because I feel there’s some taboo in this world about admitting that you value yourself, but the thing is that is absolutely the problem. We, especially as women, NEED to know that we are enough, and need to ADMIT to the world that we are enough. That our efforts are enough, that our bodies move us in the best way, that our voices are heard, and that we matter. And no, self worth/love is not cockiness or even necessarily confidence in all things, but a quiet understanding that you/I am enough.

This sense of self worth was not always so easily with me. Like many preteens, I was extremely self conscious. Throughout middle school I was only barely known for how shy I was. While all the other girls seemed to be blossoming and growing, I literally remained tiny and retained. It wasn’t until my sophomore year of high-school that I started to come out of my shell.

Even then I would look around me and feel inferior to almost everyone. I would wonder why I seemed to be the only girl who hadn’t had a boyfriend yet, or why I was so self conscious about my nose that I’d powder it in between classes so the shine didn’t make it worse. 

I’d look around and see all these “perfect girls” who I thought had more confidence than me, simply because they deserved it for their lack of flaws. I thought confidence came from perfection and I knew perfection was far from what I was... 

It was in a defining moment that I realized my perception of perfection and everyone else was actually very skewed and PERSONAL...

One morning I walked into class to find a girl, I’d never really known before, clearly about to cry. She quickly got up and left class as she held back sobs of tears.

I ran out after her, and though I didn’t know her, felt moved to hug her and ask what was wrong. Between the tears she told me how hard it was for her to come to school everyday and look around and feel less than all the “perfect” girls around her. And how she felt she could never really be good enough. I was so touched by these words because I completely understood and had felt alone in this very thought myself.

“It’s so hard, I know EXACTLY how you feel.” I told her as I gave her a hug again

“You’re so beautiful and perfect just the way you are. Really. Don’t compare yourself to these other girls. It does no good to compare, just look at all the good that you are...” I tried to convince her of what I really saw, when she stopped me,

“Of course it’s so easy for YOU to say that! You’re perfect. I wish I looked like you, then it’d be easy.”

I remember those words literally stopped me in my tracks. 

With all the flaws and insecurities I walked around thinking about all day, how could someone think I was perfect?

My whole world turned as I realized that maybe, just maybe, these “perfect” girls I looked up to so much deep down didn’t think they were all that perfect either. And maybe, just maybe, we were all looking at each other for a perfection that really just didn't exist. 

It was a shift in my paradigm and from there on I learned over and over again, that the people I thought had it most together, were almost always going through something challenging of there own and also looking up to someone else they thought had it all together.

My perspective of “woe is me” for my imperfections became empathy for the insecurities that EVERYONE else was feeling right along with me. And the realization that if NO ONE is perfect, than we are really just all in this together and confidence is something we all deserve to share. Even little me, with what I saw as a big nose and thick thighs, was on an even playing field as anyone and everyone else...

Once I realized that my insecurities were only holding me back simply because I was dwelling on them, I decided to focus on my good. What I could bring to the table and the things I saw beautiful within myself.

I realized that my thick thighs (that I will add, already had dimples on them when I weighed 90 lbs- because guess what?? Cellulite is hereditary and has pretty much nothing to do with anything else! and yes, you should know that!) were really fast and strong thighs. And that my long nose could be unique and elegant, if I chose to see it in that way. 
And so I did.

And so I let myself go to boating parties even when my crush was there and I knew he’d see my cellulite. 
And I let myself go water skiing. 
And guess what? Those big fat cellulite legs I was so insecure about, were the only legs there that could get up on those skies. 
And then I let myself know that THAT was the reason for my strong legs. 
And I began to see my flaws in the best way I could... as often as I could muster it.

My journey didn’t end there. I’ve had a million times of comparison and wishing for something else, and still do sometimes. But I grew a base of self worth and realizing that my experiences and my body were mine, and that if I didn’t let my insecurities hold me back, I was lucky to have them because they MOVED me and gave me life! And I realized that I was more than this body. I was all my thoughts and actions, and all this love that I could give to others. And then I found so much joy in listening to other women and doing anything I could to help them realize they were capable and beautiful and anything they wanted to be. The more I moved and the more I tried to help others see their self worth, the more I felt of my own. 

I hit a major relapse of my own when I became a mother. Not only was my life not about traveling the world to teach, or to be a therapist anymore, but now the very face and body I spent so many years teaching myself to love, wasn’t there anymore. I was a completely different person in the mirror and now in my daily life.

Comparison was so much easier now that I was starting over, but while it was tough I held on to that foundation I’d built so long ago until I was able to truly feel that self love again. And now, as a mother, more than anything I still want others to feel that love for themselves. Especially now as a mother.

Because loving yourself changes everything. It allows yourself to truly love others. 

_________________________________________________________________________________

I can’t sit and talk to you one on one. I feel that’s when I can connect the most with people, but I do hope that if you’re here reading this right now you can know that you are enough. And that you have every reason to be confident, yes just as confident as the girl you’re comparing yourself to right now. Why? Because your flaws and challenges are entirely relatable to others and your abilities outdo any of those perceived “flaws” of yours.

You can do good with what you have right now. 

Comparison is ultimately as useless as it is endless. 

There’s always going to be someone who you think has it better than you AND someone who thinks YOU do too. 

So let’s stop and refocus.

You have every right to SELF LOVE and every reason to build up and bring that to others. We all have so much good. Look to that. Look to what you have, and share it with others 

_________________________________________________________________________________

outfit details: I'm so happy I had a chance to sit down and meet with the owner of Della Bee, as she has a mission of sharing self worth through her company as well. Each of her pieces of clothing come with a personal affirmation sewn inside to help encourage and inspire women to love and respect themselves ♥️

My mission now: When I truly, deeply, grasped this concept of self worth for myself I literally wanted to share it with the world. And so I did.

Now, I may not have the time to be in developing countries all the time sharing “Proud to be a girl” lessons anymore, but I have here to share. And I want YOU to feel that I care, and that you, yes even you, can simply (not so simply) choose to know your worth- and keep it in your heart as we travel through this journey we call life. I sincerely hope you do. 
If you ever need someone to chat with, you know where to find me! Women do great things when we support each-other!