I was at lunch the other day with
some of Josh's friends-who all happen to be from different parts of Africa. Our
conversation turned to the topic of "the differences of being married to
someone from Africa, and being from Africa and living in America in general."
We shared our stories and all agreed that most things that happen all involve well-meaning
people, who just might not really realize exactly what they are saying.
(Disclaimer: if you are guilty of any of the following statements,
please rest assured that I still love you and did not take offense, I only
highlight them because I think they are funny and also to show some (slight)
concern of the need for people to please not cross the line- as in rare cases)
I think Utah has a lot of reverse
or "positive" racism- if there is such a thing. For example, when I was first dating Josh I had
friends introduce me to other friends by saying, "This is Abby, she's
dating a black guy!" (As if that made me cool or something).
Later when we were engaged, I would
tell people and then the first thing that would pop out of their mouth was not "congratulations! That's
awesome!"
But, "oh my gosh, you are going to have the cutesiest babies!"
That's a flattering statement,
really, thank you, but I have to wonder if it is because we're both super attractive
people, or because the stereotype says that all half babies are automatically cute?
Now that we're married, people have
had some more interesting things to say. Like for instance, my great aunt “so and so”
felt the need to post a picture of us on her Facebook page with the caption
announcing that I married a "black man". Once again, I think she
means well but really? Why not announce I'm married to a handsome man or
awesome guy, why do we feel the need to point out color? People are people, people!
I could really go on for
hours with little examples but, overall, I do understand that yes we are a
bit different from the everyday couple, and I like that. I find most of your
comments flattering, so please don't be afraid to keep making comments, just
know that there are less differences than you think.
But some people are still right about some differences in our marriage compared to their own:
Top fourteen best (or funny) things
about being married to a man from Africa:
1. His accent on certain words
always brings a smile to my face
2. Being constantly connected to
friends and family from Africa
3. Having a free place to stay when
in Ghana
4. African food everyday
5. Strangers asking me about how I
met my husband- maybe that happens to everyone?
6. My Instagram followers have about
tripled in the past 4 months. Maybe I'm interesting now? Nope, I think it might have to do with Josh ;)
7. African men have the best bodies
in the world- can I say that?
8. Never a dull moment with visa
and passport work
9. Being married to someone who
knows how to work hard and still be happy, oh maybe that’s just Josh
10. It's a constant one-man dance
and singing show in our house, once again maybe that’s just Josh
11. Getting to wear my African gear
everyday and feeling justified
12. Having a partner to work with
to make a difference in Africa
13. Being known as the African
expert. I have had at least 5 people in the past week wanting to meet up with
me and talk about what they can expect when they travel to Africa this summer.
My new self proclaimed title is the "The African counselor": keep the lunch invites coming!
14. How he says nice things about
chick flicks, oh wait that’s just Josh.
Oh, and lets not forget the previously
stated "oh you are going to have
the cutest babies" comments I get daily :) Always a fun one, but I'm
feeling the pressure people!
So Maybe my marriage is mostly different because I married a
different person than you did? And not because I married a person from Africa?
