"a fortunate stroke of serendipity"

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

The African Difference




I was at lunch the other day with some of Josh's friends-who all happen to be from different parts of Africa. Our conversation turned to the topic of "the differences of being married to someone from Africa, and being from Africa and living in America in general." We shared our stories and all agreed that most things that happen all involve well-meaning people, who just might not really realize exactly what they are saying.

(Disclaimer: if you are guilty of any of the following statements, please rest assured that I still love you and did not take offense, I only highlight them because I think they are funny and also to show some (slight) concern of the need for people to please not cross the line- as in rare cases) 

I think Utah has a lot of reverse or "positive" racism- if there is such a thing. For example, when I was first dating Josh I had friends introduce me to other friends by saying, "This is Abby, she's dating a black guy!" (As if that made me cool or something).

Later when we were engaged, I would tell people and then the first thing that would pop out of their mouth was not "congratulations! That's awesome!"
But, "oh my gosh, you are going to have the cutesiest babies!"
That's a flattering statement, really, thank you, but I have to wonder if it is because we're both super attractive people, or because the stereotype says that all half babies are automatically cute? 

Now that we're married, people have had some more interesting things to say. Like for instance, my great aunt “so and so” felt the need to post a picture of us on her Facebook page with the caption announcing that I married a "black man". Once again, I think she means well but really? Why not announce I'm married to a handsome man or awesome guy, why do we feel the need to point out color? People are people, people! 

I could really go on for hours with little examples but, overall, I do understand that yes we are a bit different from the everyday couple, and I like that. I find most of your comments flattering, so please don't be afraid to keep making comments, just know that there are less differences than you think.

But some people are still right about some differences in our marriage compared to their own:

Top fourteen best (or funny) things about being married to a man from Africa:

1. His accent on certain words always brings a smile to my face
2. Being constantly connected to friends and family from Africa 
3. Having a free place to stay when in Ghana 
4. African food everyday
5. Strangers asking me about how I met my husband- maybe that happens to everyone?  
6. My Instagram followers have about tripled in the past 4 months. Maybe I'm interesting now? Nope, I think it might have to do with Josh ;) 
7. African men have the best bodies in the world- can I say that? 
8. Never a dull moment with visa and passport work 
9. Being married to someone who knows how to work hard and still be happy, oh maybe that’s just Josh
10. It's a constant one-man dance and singing show in our house, once again maybe that’s just Josh 
11. Getting to wear my African gear everyday and feeling justified 
12. Having a partner to work with to make a difference in Africa
13. Being known as the African expert. I have had at least 5 people in the past week wanting to meet up with me and talk about what they can expect when they travel to Africa this summer. My new self proclaimed  title is the "The African counselor": keep the lunch invites coming! 
14. How he says nice things about chick flicks, oh wait that’s just Josh.


Oh, and lets not forget the previously stated "oh you are going to have the cutest babies" comments I get daily :) Always a fun one, but I'm feeling the pressure people! 

So Maybe my marriage is mostly different because I married a different person than you did? And not because I married a person from Africa? 
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