One Year

Top 10 things I've learned* in the first year of marriage:

It's our one year anniversary! Yay! It has really been the most amazing year! From New York and Hawaii, to new jobs and graduating, we have had a lot of new adventures together! Josh is amazing and has been so good to me! 

But instead of continuing with all the mushy stuff (I do that enough already) I thought I'd give you all some more insight on my experience so far. 

Sometimes I read other people's posts and think "wow is marriage really suppose to be that blissful?" 

Marriage is a joy! but can I honestly say blissful? Probably not. 

Instead I would say, over the past year Josh and I have come so far and have learned so many things through our ups and downs that it really makes my heart filled with joy because it's not always been easy- we have grown so much and in turn so has our love! 

#1. Marriage is like sandpaper. You can literally feel the rough edges being rounded out. Never in my life have I felt more aware of my short comings but never in my life have I felt a more active change for the better 

#2. Everyone has differences. As much as I hate it when a random stranger says to me, "how's your marriage going? Isn't it really hard with the cultural differences?" (True story, I actually get asked this) the truth is that ALL marriages have cultural differences we have to over come because we were all raised differently! For us we have a little more work than the average couple but also a little more understanding coming into the marriage that there would be so 

#3. My husband is not a therapist. You know I'm a therapist right? Well, so sometimes I come home with all these "but how do you feel about that?" kind of questions. Josh on the other hand is a computer guy. I've learned to understand that my husband feels more than he always talks about and listens more than I actually think. He doesn't need to dig deep into my inner conscious and read my mind order to be there for me emotionally. Him listening and putting forth an effort to understand is his way of really showing he cares- even if he doesn't always have the perfect thing to say

#4. I'm not the best cook/cleaning person. At the beginning of our marriage I clogged the Toilet with a bleach cube and it was clogged for more than two months and overflowed all the time. I'm kind of messy sometimes but I am so grateful for a husband who equally cleans and washes dishes as much as I do! 

#5. The best feeling in the world is watching your spouse succeed and over come challenges. Josh never knew how to swim but for the past couple of years that we've known each other he has put forth so much effort to overcome his fear and learn how to swim. This year in Hawaii he decided to jump off a waterfall. I had never been more scared or proud as he hit the water and then came back up and swam to the shore! Seriously he came from not wanting to get in a swimming pool, to that! So proud! 

#6. The sun will always come out tomorrow. Even when we're both having a hard day and we might be a little grumpy I've learned to kiss goodnight and then you'll wake up in the morning with much more reasonable attitudes- most of the time 

#7. I love Josh now more than ever and it is amazing to see how love grows. Gently and over time you start to see what's more important and that our imperfections have made that love for each other stronger as we have had to constantly make over selves better. The growth we've experienced is like this amazing journey, that looking back on, it just makes us feel more empowered to continue to grow

#8. Let it go, let it go! -nuff said 

#9. I am so lucky that I have a husband that puts up with my specific kind of crazy. Sometimes I fret about the idea that Josh and I need to find more things in common but the truth is we are different. He's the ying to my yang and the one thing that's perfect is that he's perfect for me. He sees me. He knows all the weirdness that I am and he is equally as weird in his own ways, and we both accept and thrive off of our unique quirkiness. 

#10. Love is a choice. How loving you feel or act during a day really depends on how you consciously choose to be. I've found that sometimes I need to remind myself to treat my husband like I would treat my best friend. Doesn't sound too romantic but it's true, and it works! 

I love my Joshua so much! It has truly been an amazing first year together and I cannot wait to see what the next eternity brings us!

I love you Josh! Thank you so much for all you do for me everyday and the sacrifices you make for our family. You are truly the most amazing man with the best heart. I am so happy to be your wife. 

*by "learned" I really mean "still learning"

Fun Fact:

Warning: This may shock the average American, so brace yourself! (If you're not from the U.S.A. you probably won't care...)

My entire life I have dreaded lunchtime. I remember in elementary school I would suddenly feel ill every time we were to line up for lunch, and would sometimes even ask to call to go home. 

Everyday my Mom would wonder what was causing me such anxiety and would stress about what she could pack in my school lunch that I would actually eat. 

And what was the key factor behind hating lunchtime you ask? 

I HATE sandwiches. 

I've never liked them and I never will. I realize that the word "sandwich" can cover a broad spectrum of types but I assure you I hate all of them. 

Now, I know hating a certain type of food shouldn't cause anxiety, but it did for me because of the social awkwardness that came along with this curse of hating the ONE food that you know will be an option at lunch- and sometimes the only option. And the ONE food that seemed so socially awkward to hate.

 I mean think about it, if someone tells you they hate fish you're like "ok cool" but if I tell you "I hate sandwiches" the reaction is almost always, "WHAT how could you not like sandwhiches? That is so weird! (Followed by several other questions about why and what I don't like about them)"

It would be fine to just feel kind of weird, but what really got me feeling anxious was that my elementary school would never tell us what we were having for lunch until we were there standing in line for food. 

I would dread the moment I had to tell the lunch lady "no thank you" to the main course. I would literally have to say "no" a few times before I was allowed to pass by with only some grapes and a brownie on my plate. 

I learned to survive those sandwich days with very little food, but since those days were so often, it was brought to the administration's attention that I wasn't eating enough. In turn, they brought in a new rule that you would HAVE to get the whole meal, and then raise your hand when you'd like to leave. 

A staff member would then come around and judge wether or not you had eaten enough of your food and then dismiss you if you had. That's when my anxiety really kicked in:

How am I going to get rid of this food that I hate? Am I going to have to stay in the lunch room forever? 

I began to come up with very creative ways of getting rid of these sandwiches: I would strategically sit next to the people I knew loved sandwiches and would offer them my food when the staff wasn't looking. Other times I would slowly pick off pieces and drop them under the table while no one was looking- until it looked like I had eaten enough to leave.

After elementary school I began to think it would be easier to just not tell people about this food aversion I had, and began to live in secrecy.  

Things got more complicated the older I got. I could no longer pretend to be sick at lunch or drop my food under the table. I had to think of more sophisticated ways of avoiding sandwiches- especially when it came to dating. 

I had, had so many bad experiences telling people that I didn't like sandwiches, and being teased endlessly by my family, that I literally thought my dates wouldn't like me anymore if I told them.

And I always felt like a burden to everyone who knew I didn't like sandwiches because I made things complicated. 

It's crazy because it's so normal to ask clarifying questions to your date like: do you like cheese or mustard? But never did anyone actually think to ask: do you like sandwiches? 

Everyone would be all good to go when lunches were pre packed for hikes, and such, but not me. I would have to find an alternative. So often that was to just go hungry and then make up a good excuse why. 

(I could go into the long lists of how I avoided such situations but I figure it would bore you. All you need to know is that I became a master of excuses and changing plans) 

I'm telling you this to celebrate #nationalsandwichday: the day I came out of the closet to everyone. Few, that feels good!!

In the past, maybe, five years I have been openly telling everyone that I don't like sandwiches, and it is so liberating.  (I figured my dates would have to know if they wanted to marry me) 

I realize now how silly the whole thing was and that it's really not that bad to endure a little questioning and laughter. I also stopped thinking of myself as an inconvenience, and started thinking of myself as unique and someone with a refined pallet. Haha  

(I was particularly pleased to find that my husband, being from Ghana-where sandwiches aren't that common- didn't even blink an eye when I said I didn't like them.)

And thus my 18 or so years of social awkwardness (in the food genre, at least) vanished when I learned to accept my weirdness. Looking back I can see where all the buildup of anxiety grew from, but I wish I could go back and tell myself to just be honest with everyone about what I like and don't like. 

As silly as it is, this experience taught me a lot about accepting people for who they are. Little things can become big things to people- just by the way others react to them.

I can't help but feel a little bitter towards those lunch ladies that thought I had an eating disorder just because I didn't like one item, but I think it goes to show how harsh people can judge others sometimes. And I hope we stop. (And that elementary schools have since changed their policy haha) 

I've only ever met one other person that shares my disgust for sandwiches but I say we make a club and stand strong! 

Happy National Sandwich Day! 

And for me, "National Be Yourself Day"! I hope you all celebrate with me :) 

This is me eating "not so normal" food and loving it! 

Ps if you hate sandwiches too please let me know! I want to know you! 

Just found this and thought 1. was perfect: 

http://www.delish.com/food-news/a47391/things-you-should-never-say-to-picky-eaters/