Maternal mental health awareness week

Did you know 1 in 5 mothers may experience a maternal mental health disorder like PPD? 

Here's my story: 

Disclaimer: I feel nervous sharing this... if you're pregnant I don’t want you to read this and feel nervous, I just want to write this incase you end up feeling the same. I want to write it for the woman who feels it now, and the woman who felt it in the past. I want to share to feel liberated and connected ♥️ please know every experience is different but they are all worth sharing. no matter what you are NOT alone 

My insomnia kept me up the night before. I was then in labor for almost 24 hrs- no food or drink because they thought I might need a c-section due to her heart rate suddenly dropping.

By the time I started to push I was already exhausted and terrified. I would shake uncontrollably every time the doctor or nurses came in. I was so scared.

I pushed for 4 hrs! 4 hours! Yes, c-section was considered many times but she was “almost” out for the last couple hours, I think (and I trust my doctor did the right thing)...
I had my epidural off for the last 2 hours of pushing. Something I never wanted.
After thinking I might just die in between each push, she finally came out after an emergency intervention.

But I got nothing. No reward for this torture I’d just marathoned through. Nothing. 

Instead I screamed and cried for my baby who had been whisked away before I could even see her. She wasn't breathing.
Still, 3 years later, it's hard to think about it. But sharing it somehow makes it a little lighter.

We were then in the NICU for the next week and nothing about this experience was “magical” or seemed like the part when it would “all be worth it”... it was NOT magical friends!
Let me say it again, my birth experience WAS NOT MAGICAL!!
And I believe it contributed to the PP depression I experienced.

I had the worst tear you can get. Insomnia kept me awake even when I had a chance to sleep. I would shake whenever I thought about the hospital. I felt alone. I wondered why I ever wanted to be a mom. I could not eat at all for weeks.

I finally thought something might be off when my husband gushed about how much he loved our little one week old. He described it as he literally grabbed his chest and said, 

“I just love her so much I feel it all through me.”

I looked at him and thought,

“I feel so much pain, I feel numb.”

I have to physically stop writing right now to collect myself. 

It. was. so. hard. 

And so lonely.

But here I am. My child in my lap, touching my face. Strong, healthy, happy. And I LOVE her more than life itself.

And you know when I started to get better? When I realized I actually had PPD and when I realized millions of other women did to. I talked to a friend. I told the truth of how I felt. I realized it was common and I found that light at the end of the tunnel. When I knew there actually was a light, that things would one day get better I walked towards it. I survived until I could see it. Then I started to live until I felt it.

It does get better friends. Talk to someone! A professional if you need it. Medication if its right for you.

There is NO shame in seeking help. There is no shame in feeling this way. You are a good mom. You will feel like you again. Hang in there mama. There are so many who understand you ♥️ things will get better. Reach out!- and friends, reach out to your new mom friends, they may need you too.

#MMHWeek2019

All Things Family Photos! Tips and tricks to get that "perfect" shot

Ah family photos! The best and sometimes most stressful experience all at the same time! But they always seems to be worth it when you get those magic photos back!

{fun fact: this is the first family photo shoot that Isla has suddenly had a blow out ON my husband! weirdest thing, because she never has blow outs until picture day! haha}

Over the years we've had the opportunity to work with many photographers (and being one myself) I decided to write a few tips and tricks that have made the family shoots much easier!

So let's jump in shall we!

Picking outfits:

I used to stress out about this a lot more than I do now. I've found that if you keep things simple then you're probably going to be ok! You probably know by now which colors you feel most confident in, pick those! You also probably know which style of clothing fits you too, pick that! 

One thing I like to go for is long dresses! They are flattering and look amazing in photos. I always pick my dress first and then plan my family's outfits around it. 

Usually the less patterns the better. So if I pick a more bold outfit then I will make sure theirs are more subtle.

Soft blushes, creams, tans, blues, and whites are my go to's!

The main thing to consider is how you FEEL in what you're wearing! Honestly, you could all wear pajamas and have the cutest pictures if that's what you all felt comfortable and happy in!! Not everything needs to match perfectly! Just pick things that are simple and that you love!

Picking a photographer: 

Go through they're feed. Pick someone who you feel their style would hang well in your home!

It seems to be the trend these days to have dark moody photography, and while that looks great on instagram, it definitely wouldn't match my bright, colorful, home. Not to mention the dark contrasts do not go well with our very contrasting skin tones. 

For those reasons I always look for someone who has a more bright and true to color portfolio. 

I also love photographers who make you feel comfortable and catch those real moments. Look for movement in their photos and if they are catching more than just the look straight at the camera pose.

A side note would be to look at reviews online and try to get to know the personality of your photographer anyway you can. I can't tell you how HUGE of a difference it makes to find someone you feel comfortable with and who brings a good energy and ideas to your shoot!

Locations:

Locations are also one of those things that don't matter as much as you think they do. You can get good pictures almost anywhere as long as you have great LIGHTING! Early morning or about an hour before sunset is usually your best bet- unless there's lots of shade wherever you go.

That being said, some of my favorite locations in Utah are:

Tunnel Springs (shown in these photos) 

Memory Grove Park

Little Cottonwood Canyon 

Silver Lake 

The Capital
And just about any studio 

Getting your husband on board: 

;) Still working on this one! haha Is it just me or is it really difficult to get your husband in photos too??
He can usually manage once a year if I'm lucky :) and working around his schedule is the best bet! Also just trying to make it fun and comfortable for him has been a good thing! He literally picked out his outfit minutes before this shoot and I was ok with that as long as he wore something that matched our dressiness level and was a good neutral.

Also lots of thank you's and kisses. 

Posing:

Ok one of the biggest things to do if you are trying to get a shot where ALL of you are looking is to focus on YOU! Make sure YOU are ready and in position, looking at the camera and smiling! If you're constantly looking at your children, or husband, trying to get them to look at the camera then you're not going to be looking either. Let your photographer be the one to make sure you're all looking. You keep your glance and eventually she'll get at least one of ALL of you smiling. 

Another thing I've learned is to just not care so much.  You don't need to be thinking about where to put your hands or how to stand. Just act natural. Movement can be great. Just follow your photographers lead and have fun! Swing your dress, keep slowly changing your stance, be as genuinely happy as you can and that will shine through. Play and have fun.
Think of something funny and LAUGH! 

Photography by: Truly Photography 

All photos are copyrighted