The Old Me

Photography// Xan Craven

Today I'm missing this. Now a summer/fall has come and gone and I wasn't even able to go up to my haven in the mountains and ride my horse-- because I'm a new mom and it's just not practical. 

But that's Okay.

Went to Target the other night, with Isla of course, for the first time since giving birth. I had to stand awkwardly at the back of the women clothing section as I fed her a bottle of pumped breast milk. 

I remember just a few days prior talking with a friend about how when you have a baby it feels like you loose your whole self. Your life no loner belongs to you anymore but to your baby. Everything you do is planned around her. If you want to go somewhere you have to take her too, or find a sitter, you have to get her ready, and make sure she's well fed, you have to pack a bag full of all the necessities, and then you have to plan whatever you're doing to be shorter than you normally would.

Talking about this made us both a little frustrated because it's true and depressing when you say it out loud.

But flash forward back to Target, interrupted only minutes in, and there I was holding Isla in my arms and feeling probably more happy and content than I'd ever felt shopping before. My life has become so much different and it has been such a sacrifice in every way, but I still love having her around. I love that I now have this new friend to show the world to. I kind of love that I'm never alone right now because I know she'll grow up too fast and one day she won't be right by my side. 

I can't wait for next year when she can come with us to the ranch and experience the magic I grew up with for herself!

Yes, you do lose your whole self when becoming a mother but you also find yourself too. You find that watching her make new memories is the greatest memory you'll ever have. 

xo

Abby