One Year

Top 10 things I've learned* in the first year of marriage:

It's our one year anniversary! Yay! It has really been the most amazing year! From New York and Hawaii, to new jobs and graduating, we have had a lot of new adventures together! Josh is amazing and has been so good to me! 

But instead of continuing with all the mushy stuff (I do that enough already) I thought I'd give you all some more insight on my experience so far. 

Sometimes I read other people's posts and think "wow is marriage really suppose to be that blissful?" 

Marriage is a joy! but can I honestly say blissful? Probably not. 

Instead I would say, over the past year Josh and I have come so far and have learned so many things through our ups and downs that it really makes my heart filled with joy because it's not always been easy- we have grown so much and in turn so has our love! 

#1. Marriage is like sandpaper. You can literally feel the rough edges being rounded out. Never in my life have I felt more aware of my short comings but never in my life have I felt a more active change for the better 

#2. Everyone has differences. As much as I hate it when a random stranger says to me, "how's your marriage going? Isn't it really hard with the cultural differences?" (True story, I actually get asked this) the truth is that ALL marriages have cultural differences we have to over come because we were all raised differently! For us we have a little more work than the average couple but also a little more understanding coming into the marriage that there would be so 

#3. My husband is not a therapist. You know I'm a therapist right? Well, so sometimes I come home with all these "but how do you feel about that?" kind of questions. Josh on the other hand is a computer guy. I've learned to understand that my husband feels more than he always talks about and listens more than I actually think. He doesn't need to dig deep into my inner conscious and read my mind order to be there for me emotionally. Him listening and putting forth an effort to understand is his way of really showing he cares- even if he doesn't always have the perfect thing to say

#4. I'm not the best cook/cleaning person. At the beginning of our marriage I clogged the Toilet with a bleach cube and it was clogged for more than two months and overflowed all the time. I'm kind of messy sometimes but I am so grateful for a husband who equally cleans and washes dishes as much as I do! 

#5. The best feeling in the world is watching your spouse succeed and over come challenges. Josh never knew how to swim but for the past couple of years that we've known each other he has put forth so much effort to overcome his fear and learn how to swim. This year in Hawaii he decided to jump off a waterfall. I had never been more scared or proud as he hit the water and then came back up and swam to the shore! Seriously he came from not wanting to get in a swimming pool, to that! So proud! 

#6. The sun will always come out tomorrow. Even when we're both having a hard day and we might be a little grumpy I've learned to kiss goodnight and then you'll wake up in the morning with much more reasonable attitudes- most of the time 

#7. I love Josh now more than ever and it is amazing to see how love grows. Gently and over time you start to see what's more important and that our imperfections have made that love for each other stronger as we have had to constantly make over selves better. The growth we've experienced is like this amazing journey, that looking back on, it just makes us feel more empowered to continue to grow

#8. Let it go, let it go! -nuff said 

#9. I am so lucky that I have a husband that puts up with my specific kind of crazy. Sometimes I fret about the idea that Josh and I need to find more things in common but the truth is we are different. He's the ying to my yang and the one thing that's perfect is that he's perfect for me. He sees me. He knows all the weirdness that I am and he is equally as weird in his own ways, and we both accept and thrive off of our unique quirkiness. 

#10. Love is a choice. How loving you feel or act during a day really depends on how you consciously choose to be. I've found that sometimes I need to remind myself to treat my husband like I would treat my best friend. Doesn't sound too romantic but it's true, and it works! 

I love my Joshua so much! It has truly been an amazing first year together and I cannot wait to see what the next eternity brings us!

I love you Josh! Thank you so much for all you do for me everyday and the sacrifices you make for our family. You are truly the most amazing man with the best heart. I am so happy to be your wife. 

*by "learned" I really mean "still learning"

Fun Fact:

Warning: This may shock the average American, so brace yourself! (If you're not from the U.S.A. you probably won't care...)

My entire life I have dreaded lunchtime. I remember in elementary school I would suddenly feel ill every time we were to line up for lunch, and would sometimes even ask to call to go home. 

Everyday my Mom would wonder what was causing me such anxiety and would stress about what she could pack in my school lunch that I would actually eat. 

And what was the key factor behind hating lunchtime you ask? 

I HATE sandwiches. 

I've never liked them and I never will. I realize that the word "sandwich" can cover a broad spectrum of types but I assure you I hate all of them. 

Now, I know hating a certain type of food shouldn't cause anxiety, but it did for me because of the social awkwardness that came along with this curse of hating the ONE food that you know will be an option at lunch- and sometimes the only option. And the ONE food that seemed so socially awkward to hate.

 I mean think about it, if someone tells you they hate fish you're like "ok cool" but if I tell you "I hate sandwiches" the reaction is almost always, "WHAT how could you not like sandwhiches? That is so weird! (Followed by several other questions about why and what I don't like about them)"

It would be fine to just feel kind of weird, but what really got me feeling anxious was that my elementary school would never tell us what we were having for lunch until we were there standing in line for food. 

I would dread the moment I had to tell the lunch lady "no thank you" to the main course. I would literally have to say "no" a few times before I was allowed to pass by with only some grapes and a brownie on my plate. 

I learned to survive those sandwich days with very little food, but since those days were so often, it was brought to the administration's attention that I wasn't eating enough. In turn, they brought in a new rule that you would HAVE to get the whole meal, and then raise your hand when you'd like to leave. 

A staff member would then come around and judge wether or not you had eaten enough of your food and then dismiss you if you had. That's when my anxiety really kicked in:

How am I going to get rid of this food that I hate? Am I going to have to stay in the lunch room forever? 

I began to come up with very creative ways of getting rid of these sandwiches: I would strategically sit next to the people I knew loved sandwiches and would offer them my food when the staff wasn't looking. Other times I would slowly pick off pieces and drop them under the table while no one was looking- until it looked like I had eaten enough to leave.

After elementary school I began to think it would be easier to just not tell people about this food aversion I had, and began to live in secrecy.  

Things got more complicated the older I got. I could no longer pretend to be sick at lunch or drop my food under the table. I had to think of more sophisticated ways of avoiding sandwiches- especially when it came to dating. 

I had, had so many bad experiences telling people that I didn't like sandwiches, and being teased endlessly by my family, that I literally thought my dates wouldn't like me anymore if I told them.

And I always felt like a burden to everyone who knew I didn't like sandwiches because I made things complicated. 

It's crazy because it's so normal to ask clarifying questions to your date like: do you like cheese or mustard? But never did anyone actually think to ask: do you like sandwiches? 

Everyone would be all good to go when lunches were pre packed for hikes, and such, but not me. I would have to find an alternative. So often that was to just go hungry and then make up a good excuse why. 

(I could go into the long lists of how I avoided such situations but I figure it would bore you. All you need to know is that I became a master of excuses and changing plans) 

I'm telling you this to celebrate #nationalsandwichday: the day I came out of the closet to everyone. Few, that feels good!!

In the past, maybe, five years I have been openly telling everyone that I don't like sandwiches, and it is so liberating.  (I figured my dates would have to know if they wanted to marry me) 

I realize now how silly the whole thing was and that it's really not that bad to endure a little questioning and laughter. I also stopped thinking of myself as an inconvenience, and started thinking of myself as unique and someone with a refined pallet. Haha  

(I was particularly pleased to find that my husband, being from Ghana-where sandwiches aren't that common- didn't even blink an eye when I said I didn't like them.)

And thus my 18 or so years of social awkwardness (in the food genre, at least) vanished when I learned to accept my weirdness. Looking back I can see where all the buildup of anxiety grew from, but I wish I could go back and tell myself to just be honest with everyone about what I like and don't like. 

As silly as it is, this experience taught me a lot about accepting people for who they are. Little things can become big things to people- just by the way others react to them.

I can't help but feel a little bitter towards those lunch ladies that thought I had an eating disorder just because I didn't like one item, but I think it goes to show how harsh people can judge others sometimes. And I hope we stop. (And that elementary schools have since changed their policy haha) 

I've only ever met one other person that shares my disgust for sandwiches but I say we make a club and stand strong! 

Happy National Sandwich Day! 

And for me, "National Be Yourself Day"! I hope you all celebrate with me :) 

This is me eating "not so normal" food and loving it! 

Ps if you hate sandwiches too please let me know! I want to know you! 

Just found this and thought 1. was perfect: 

http://www.delish.com/food-news/a47391/things-you-should-never-say-to-picky-eaters/

The City that Changed my Plans

I'm not a very good planner because I usually just feel like things are going to work out. But you know that feeling you get when something goes terribly wrong? That one where your heart just suddenly drops and you know YOUR plans are going to be very different now? Well that's New York for me. And it all started two years ago in the summer of 2013.

I had been planning a huge adventure for my sister and I to go on and get away from everything, school, boys, and normal way of life. We were going to a little orpahange in the middle of the jungle in Ghana.

I had everything prepared and thought out in my mind and everything felt right. I had been to Africa so many times before I felt like a pro. (Ps never get cocky) 

Days before departure I met this very sweet, funny, and genuine man who happened to be from Ghana. He gave me his number "just in case" and I literally thought I would never need it or see him him again, but boy was I wrong. 

On our way to Ghana we got stuck in New York City because of, let's call it, a visa issue (you can read the post "An Abby Evans adventure" for the real details haha) 

A nice man at the airport asked me if I knew anyone who had family in Ghana that I could call and ask for help...and so that number, that I never thought I'd dial, was now our only hope. 

Little did I know that that visa mistake I made in New York, that phone call I made in New York, would change my life forever. 

From that phone call and Josh's selfless service to my sister and I, we became good friends, and then at a crossroads of wether or not we should be more than just good friends. 

It was December and we had been spending a lot of time together for quite a while. Josh decided to go stay with his sister in New York over the Christmas break. I let him go and it was going to be that 'time for us to be apart and see if we really missed eachother' kind of thing. I was being so stubborn about the whole serious relationship thing, and even though I knew he loved me by this point, I still didn't know what to do, I was thinking so much and kind scared for a real relationship. (I was so difficult I even frustrated myself!)

So he left and a week went by... and then I was done. I had to go to New York.

I bought a plane ticket that night I was there by the next evening. 

A surprise visit and a week of amazing adventures with Josh in New York City. I don't know if it was the cold weather and dreamy Christmas lights through-out the city, or the New Year's Eve kiss, but somewhere within that magical week in New York City my heart melted and things became more clear. 

It was time for me to go home, he took me to the train station and we stood there and waited in the freezing cold. I just kept thinking about how sweet this man was next to me holding my hand, and how good to me he was, my heart felt so big, and even though it was so cold, I felt warm. 

Then the train came and I felt like I was saying goodbye for a long time, even though it was just a few days until he would come home.

As I hurriedly went to step onboard the busy train Josh looked at me and said, "I love you Abby" And then, as if I'd said it a million times before, I said "I love you too Josh" And stepped onboard the train. The doors closed and I stared through the window at Josh's astonished face, just as the train sped away... 

And now, two years later and married, we're back. In the city where I first said, "I love you" and it's still just as wonderful to be here with him as I remembered  

I Graduated!

Still can't really believe it's all over. Five years of growth and hard work. Started out as just a teenager wondering what to do with life and ended with degree in Recreational Therapy and a husband- both unexpected twists to the story.

I feel like a different person now then when I started. It's hard to express really the emotional stress that comes along with college and moving away from home. The roommates you get and the friendships you make. The long search for dates and "the one". The nights of anxiety because you feel so overwhelmed and everything is just too much. The endless papers you never thought you could write but then somehow turn in. The test you fear and then somehow pass. The long semesters that then seem so short. The long walks to campus in the freezing cold and then the sweaty walks home in the summer. Can still feel the way I felt on my first day of a semester... Anxious, excited, but overwhelmed with the thought of how much work was to come but how many new memories I'll make.
And five years of this. In five years I learned so much! I gained so much, and I loved my experience. I grew to love and cherish my relationships and my experiences and all the ups and downs that came with this amazing adventure we call college.
My heart feels so proud to have graduated from BYU but I will truly miss this place and it is kind of sad to think that this exciting part of my life is over. BUT Life always keeps going, you can't stop that. Just got to remember that even greater things are yet to come!

Yay!! Congratulations self! You did it!

Bitter sweet

Our Story

// Blog Feature //

A couple of other people have featured our story on their blog so I just thought I would share as well, along with some wedding details!

Our story:

The day I met Josh was the day before I left to visit Ghana with my little sister Lydia. Since Josh is from Ghana, and his parents are still living there, he gave me his phone number in just case I needed any help or advice. 

I didn't really think I was going to need any help since I had traveled to Africa many times before, but it just so happens, that this one time, I would make a huge mistake that would lead me to need him.

We ended up having difficulties getting into Ghana because of visa issues and they told us that we needed to call someone who lives there and have them go the the Ghana airport to send us some documents in order to get it worked out. (not an easy process for someone in Ghana to do)

I felt nervous and weird about calling Josh and asking him for a huge favor when I had only really known him for an hour! My sister encouraged me to call him because we were really in need of help. So I took a deep breathe and dialed his number.

He answered the phone and said "hello" and I said, "Hi, this is Abby, you probably don't remember me... But we met a couple of days ago. I was wondering if you could do me a huge favor...?"

For a moment I was afraid he'd just laugh and say he couldn't help, but to my surprise he was so eager to help me. He got right on everything and told me he would call his parents right away and figure everything out for us! He assured me that everything was going to be ok.

I got off the phone with him and just thought, "Wow, there are some really amazing people in this world! He is so kind to me and so willing to help me, and he barely even knows me. He is such a good person." 

I told my sister about how amazing he was being and how much he was going to help us out, and immediately she exclaimed, 

"It's fate you are going to marry him!" 

I was like "no way! Not going to happen!" But little did I know that this great act of kindness would lead to Josh and I's immediate friendship and later on grow into love. 

When my sister and I got home, I kept somehow seeing Josh around campus and he kept telling me that he was going to take me on a date sometime, but he never called! I didn't think too much about it, months went by, and then one day I randomly decided to call him just to have dinner at my apartment, and then from that night on, we were with each other every single day. (He says he never called me because he thought I was out of his league haha)

He proposed to me in the mountains, on a autumn day, under a grove of pines trees. It was beautiful. 

We had dated for a year and a half and then we're married November 2014 at the LDS Salt Lake City Temple in Utah.

We planned our wedding within 3 months- so we had to do everything fast! It was stressful because we were both trying to balance school and wedding planning but luckily my Mom planned most everything for me. The hardest part was finding a location and bridesmaid dresses but it eventually all worked out. 

My advice to any bride would be to just try to enjoy the wedding planning process as much as possible because you only get to do it once in your life! Then on your wedding day, really look around and notice all the beautiful details! Take everything in and breathe! Just love and enjoy every second of that day because you will want to relive it for the rest of your lives!  

Our wedding was so beautiful! I loved how elegant and classy it was but still had the fun African side to it! We have received so many compliments about how wonderful the night was and I agree, it was wonderful! Truly a perfect day. 

Thanks to:

Married 11/29/15 in the Salt Lake City Temple 

Reception and catering: Joseph Smith Memorial Building 

Wedding Planner: Gaylynn Evans 

Photography: Camilla Binks (engagement), Xan Craven (wedding)

Cake: Carries Cakes 

Wedding Dress: Bridal Expressions

Brides shoes: made for me in Ghana

Alterations: Dee Dee Anderson 

Groom's suit: ALBA 

Flowers: Emily Brooks 

Bridesmaid's Skirts: Mika Rose
DJ: Don Ricky

Favorite song/ first dance song: I choose you by Sara Bareilles 

Hair and makeup: Ed Matus 

The African Difference

I was at lunch the other day with some of Josh's friends-who all happen to be from different parts of Africa. Our conversation turned to the topic of "the differences of being married to someone from Africa, and being from Africa and living in America in general." We shared our stories and all agreed that most things that happen all involve well-meaning people, who just might not really realize exactly what they are saying.

(Disclaimer: if you are guilty of any of the following statements, please rest assured that I still love you and did not take offense, I only highlight them because I think they are funny and also to show some (slight) concern of the need for people to please not cross the line- as in rare cases) 

I think Utah has a lot of reverse or "positive" racism- if there is such a thing. For example, when I was first dating Josh I had friends introduce me to other friends by saying, "This is Abby, she's dating a black guy!" (As if that made me cool or something).

Later when we were engaged, I would tell people and then the first thing that would pop out of their mouth was not "congratulations! That's awesome!"

But, "oh my gosh, you are going to have the cutesiest babies!"

That's a flattering statement, really, thank you, but I have to wonder if it is because we're both super attractive people, or because the stereotype says that all half babies are automatically cute? 

Now that we're married, people have had some more interesting things to say. Like for instance, my great aunt “so and so” felt the need to post a picture of us on her Facebook page with the caption announcing that I married a "black man". Once again, I think she means well but really? Why not announce I'm married to a handsome man or awesome guy, why do we feel the need to point out color? People are people, people! 

I could really go on for hours with little examples but, overall, I do understand that yes we are a bit different from the everyday couple, and I like that. I find most of your comments flattering, so please don't be afraid to keep making comments, just know that there are less differences than you think.

But some people are still right about some differences in our marriage compared to their own:

Top fourteen best (or funny) things about being married to a man from Africa:

1. His accent on certain words always brings a smile to my face

2. Being constantly connected to friends and family from Africa 

3. Having a free place to stay when in Ghana 

4. African food everyday

5. Strangers asking me about how I met my husband- maybe that happens to everyone?  

6. My Instagram followers have about tripled in the past 4 months. Maybe I'm interesting now? Nope, I think it might have to do with Josh ;) 

7. African men have the best bodies in the world- can I say that? 

8. Never a dull moment with visa and passport work 

9. Being married to someone who knows how to work hard and still be happy, oh maybe that’s just Josh

10. It's a constant one-man dance and singing show in our house, once again maybe that’s just Josh 

11. Getting to wear my African gear everyday and feeling justified 

12. Having a partner to work with to make a difference in Africa

13. Being known as the African expert. I have had at least 5 people in the past week wanting to meet up with me and talk about what they can expect when they travel to Africa this summer. My new self proclaimed  title is the "The African counselor": keep the lunch invites coming! 

14. How he says nice things about chick flicks, oh wait that’s just Josh.

Oh, and lets not forget the previously stated "oh you are going to have the cutest babies" comments I get daily :) Always a fun one, but I'm feeling the pressure people! 

So Maybe my marriage is mostly different because I married a different person than you did? And not because I married a person from Africa?